pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
