if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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