why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
