The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
