you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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