Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need a beard to bite.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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