bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
