i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
