I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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