i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
