Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
