i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
