There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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