Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
