I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
