There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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