id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
