Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
