You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
