their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
