P.S. I can't hear my feet
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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