Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
