I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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