I think I won the penis lottery.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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