That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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