As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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