This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
