i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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