i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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