if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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