I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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