Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
