I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You've changed since you got that strap on
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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