just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
