I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
