Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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