I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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