I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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