I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
