I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
