Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
