Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
