its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
