I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
