I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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