maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
