During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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