with your own penis?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
