Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
