also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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