I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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