Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
