I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
